


It's funny how the most responsible one in your crew is called Kid

by MassacrePear



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bad Jokes, Canon divergence - post Whole Cake Island Arc, Eustass Kidd has ADHD, F/F, Gen, Katakuri talks about bad family dynamics, Killer is a useless bisexual, M/M, Multi, Penguin has Congenital Hypotrichosis, Rated for swearing, Strawhat Heart Kid Alliance, Trafalgar Law has Anxiety, Universe Alteration, a lot of swearing, and occasional sex stuff, by Robin and Luffy, chatfic, excessive use of emojis, i try to be funny but idk, its not in great detail but just in case, minor OCs - Freeform, mostly for the Kid pirates to flesh the crew out more, no one is straight, occasional emotions, occasional memes, phones are a thing here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-04-28 21:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 9,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassacrePear/pseuds/MassacrePear
Summary: Killer added Cap'n Kid, Wire, Heat, Penguin, Shachi, Usopp, Brook, Ikkaku, Zoro, Sanji and $nami$ to chatKiller: please explain to Kid why defenestration is a good way to inhibit marines$nami$: Pay me for your servicesIkkaku: That sounds unnecessarily complicated?Cap'n Kid: see i fuckin told youKiller: traitorsShachi: hey quick question what the fuck did I get added toPenguin: oh godUsopp: this is not what I gave you my number for





	1. Killer- King of bad decisions

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading a lot of chatfics recently and was disappointed to find almost nothing for One Piece so here we go  
> fyi Kid is spelt with one D here because i am an inconsistant mess
> 
> nickname Key (even tho they're pretty self explanatory this time)  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - Heat  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Zoro

**Killer added Cap'n Kid, Wire, Heat, Penguin, Shachi, Usopp, Brook, Ikkaku, Zoro, Sanji and $nami$ to chat**

 

Killer: please explain to Kid why defenestration is a good way to inhibit marines

 

$nami$: Pay me for your services

 

Ikkaku: That sounds unnecessarily complicated?

 

Cap'n Kid: see i fuckin told you

 

Killer: traitors

 

Shachi: hey quick question what the fuck did I get added to

 

Penguin: oh god

 

Usopp: this is not what I gave you my number for

 

 

 

 

Shachi: wait

 

Shachi: this chat doesnt have a name

 

Cap'n Kid: don't

 

Cap'n Kid: once you name it you get attached

 

Shachi:

 

Cap'n Kid:

 

Shachi:

 

**Shachi changed the chat name to I can't believe the only adult is called Kid**

 

Cap'n Kid: I hope you burn your tongue on scalding coffee

 

Usopp: what about Nami though?

 

$nami$: I don't get paid enough to play any adult role

 

$nami$: and tbh I don't think any amount you guys have would be enough for me to play parent with you lot

 

Heat: thats fair

 

 

 

 

Killer: fuck crocodile marry jinbei kill doflamingo

 

Usopp: what

 

Sachi: what

 

Penguin: what

 

Killer:

 

Killer: hm

 

Killer: this is the wrong chat

 

Heat: i cant believe youre playing fmk without me

 

$nami$: ooh fmk here we go

 

Sanji: can we play kiss hug or hit with a frying pan instead? I like it more

 

Usopp: you just like thinking about hitting Zoro with a frying pan

 

Sanji: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Ikkaku: Penguin kiss hug and frying pan for Shachi, Killer and Zoro

 

Penguin: hmm

 

Penguin: kiss Shachi hug Killer and slap Zoro with the frying pan

 

Penguin: Zoro you look the most durable so i thought youd sustain the least injury

 

Zoro: thats fair

 

Shachi: ❤❤❤

 

Penguin: i want to be englufed by Killers beefy arms Shachi there was only one spot left for you

 

Shachi: rude

 

Killer: next time we meet up i can give you that hug

 

Penguin: hell yes hell yes

 

Ikkaku: Gay

 

Shachi: killer, brook usopp and luffy go

 

Killer: kiss usopp hug luffy hit brook

 

Usopp: that was quick

 

Killer: look i aint huggin a boney skeleton and youre hot so it was easy

 

Usopp: um

 

Usopp: I'm not?

 

Killer: yeees you are

 

Usopp:

 

Usopp: Sanji, Law Kid and Luffy

 

Sanji: first of all fuck you

 

Sanji: secondly, kiss law hug kid and hit luffy with a frying pan

 

Sanji: nami choose from perona vivi and robin

 

$nami$:

 

$nami$: I don't like this game anymore

 

Zoro: coward

 

$nami$: fuck you I'm not hitting any of them with a frying pan

 

Wire: this is completely hypothetical

 

$nami$: even in hypotheticals

 

Penguin: thats what a lesbian looks like everyone,,


	2. the chat goes badly. Law is added

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wire: I just fjukcign watched Killer run out to the deck, Kid in tow
> 
> Wire: and fling himself over the railing with both middle fingers up
> 
> Wire: iconic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm impatient so here have another chapter.
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - Heat  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Zoro  
> Law - I am the Law

Wire: someone just fell down the stairs

 

Wire: who did that?

 

Wire: oh

 

Wire: shit

 

Wire: nvm

 

Killer: did you check

 

Wire: I did

 

Penguin: who was it?

 

Wire: .

 

Kiler: hooooooooooooolyyyy shitttt

 

Killer: ti was fkcucking Kid wasnt it

 

Wire:

 

Killer: fgjfgldfglvsll

 

Heat: who tf is swearing at this time in the goddamn morning

 

Killer: KID

 

Penguin: what a sight

 

Killer: wire did you get pics

 

Wire: no because I'm not suicidal???

 

Killer: HAAA

 

**Killer uploaded heisbeautyheisgrace.png**

 

Shachi: h oly shit???

 

Usopp: oh wow

 

Cap'n Kid: KILLER IM GOING TO KILL YOU

 

Killer: o shit

 

Wire: o shit

 

Heat: run boy run

 

Shachi: thats something our captain needs to see

 

Cap'n Kid: N O

 

Penguin: holy shit yes

 

**Penguin added I am the Law to I can't believe the only adult is called Kid**

 

I am the Law: what did I say about adding me to more chats

 

Penguin: ok ok but

 

**Penguin uploaded heisbeautyheisgrace.png**

 

I am the Law:

 

Shachi: he's laughing so fucking hard rn

 

Shachi: I can hear him through the walls

 

I am the Law: nice job loser

 

Ikkaku: Why is Law laughing so loudly?

 

Penguin: scroll up

 

Ikkaku:

 

Ikkaku: lmao

 

I am the Law: I'm printing that out

 

Cap'n Kid: fuck you

 

I am the Law: please

 

Cap'n Kid: what

 

I am the Law: what

 

Penguin: holy shit

 

 

 

 

$Nami$: god being in this crew is a fucking trip

 

$Nami$: I saw Zoro walk into a doorframe an hour ago

 

$Nami$: then he just, took a step back and stared at it

 

Usopp: can confirm

 

Usopp: he's still staring at it

 

Killer: snORt

 

Kid:

 

Killer:

 

Killer: fuck.

 

Kid: go. To. Sleep.

 

Wire: hide your phone boi

 

Wire: youre going over

 

Usopp: what

 

Heat: we have this punishment

 

Heat: if youre not a df user

 

Heat: and you disobey Kid 5 times in a week you get pushed overboard

 

Heat: if you have a df you wear seastone for an hour

 

Wire: h OLY sh I t

 

Wire: I just fjukcign watched Killer run out to the deck, Kid in tow

 

Wire: and fling himself over the railing with both middle fingers up

 

Wire: iconic

 

Penguin: why is Killer being told to sleep its 8am

 

Kid: he hasn't slept in 3 days.

 

Heat: its probably just an obscure plan to get himself out of duties

 

Heat: becAUSE HE CANT. KEEP WATCH. WHEN HES HALLUCINATING

 

Shachi: that's a plan

 

I Am The Law: don't you fucking dare.

 

Shachi: whoop nvm

 

 

 

 

I am the Law: do you think worms have feelings

 

I am the Law: wait fUCK

 

Cap'n Kid: what the fuck Trafalgar

 

Penguin: yeah this happens

 

Penguin: Instant Regret Lawtm

 

I am the Law: thanks! I hate it

 

Cap'n Kid: fuck you! i love this

 

Killer: anxiet boi

 

Shachi: he does this shit all the time in real life. there was this time he stuck his fingers into a pot of pasta

 

Cap'n Kid: the Surgeon of Death, everyone

 

I am the Law: I told you that was because my brain didn't catch up with my impusles!! this shit happens and it fucking sucks and you laugh at my pain

 

Killer: woah him emotions

 

Killer: but what a mood

 

I am the Law: yeah I got those

 

I am the Law: did you forget

 

Penguin: tbh kinda forgot that you felt

 

Penguin: beyond, y'know

 

Penguin: screaming in the middle of the night

 

I am the Law: that was once and I apologised

 

Penguin: apologies dont heal scars Captain

 

Shachi: or broken feet

 

Penguin: or broken feet


	3. Killer makes a mistake and it gets remembered.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killer: i've been called out 10 times since I woke up
> 
> Killer: but its you, Shachi
> 
> Killer: who has broken my heart
> 
> Killer: :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have 20 chapters of this rubbish sitting in a document and i just want to put them up
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - Heat  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Zoro  
> Law - I am the Law

Cap'n Kid: call out for Killer who just walked around the kitchen wondering why everything is so bright without realising he forgot to put his helmet on before leaving his room

 

Killer: why would you do this

 

Killer: I trusted you

 

Wire: if we're calling out Killer I just want to say that he doesn't cook us all breakfast on purpose, he just doesn't know how much pasta is too much pasta to cook

 

Killer: Betrayal

 

Heat: the cool badass burn on Killer's arm is from when he tripped down the stairs with a bowl of hot ramen in his hands

 

Heat: he cried over his spilt food for 15 minutes before noticing he burnt himself

 

Killer: TRAITORS

 

Killer: ALL OF YOU

 

Cap'n Kid: Killer isn't allowed to do shopping because one time he dumped in 50 packs of pasta and cheese and nothing else

 

Shachi: holy shit

 

Usopp: I though you were the cool and responsible one?

 

Wire: nah

 

Wire: we don't have one of those

 

Heat: I also want to call Killer out on every time we meet someone new, he finds them attractive

 

Heat: regardless of whether they are marines, pirates or civilians

 

Killer: PEO PLE A RegOOD loOKiGN okAY

 

Penguin: you're breaking him

 

Cap'n Kid: okay

 

Cap'n Kid: but did you know the reason Killer wears a helmet

 

Killer: (softly) dont

 

Cap'n Kid: is because he bleaches his hair blond

 

Cap'n Kid: and can't be bothered doing the roots

 

Killer: rip my reputation

 

Shachi: what reputation

 

Killer: ouch

 

Killer: i've been called out 10 times since I woke up

 

Killer: but its you, Shachi

 

Killer: who has broken my heart

 

Killer: :(

 

Wire: god youre so melodramatic

 

 

 

 

Killer: w

 

Killer: what

 

Penguin: its okay take your time

 

Killer: what type of ice cream are you

 

$nami$: its 3am what the fuck

 

Killer: answer the question

 

Cap'n Kid: go the fuck. To sleep.

 

$nami$: im goindn g to kill youal l

 

**$nami$ left I can't believe the only adult is called Kid**

 

Zoro: choc mint

 

Killer: thank you zoro

 

Sanji: because nobody likes you?

 

Zoro: fuck off swirly brow

 

Zoro: because its green

 

Penguin: i'd be rocky road

 

Shachi: hmm jaffa

 

Penguin: bc your hair is red?

 

Shachi: that too I guess but its my favourite

 

Cap'n Kid: all of you go the fuck to sleep or im throwing you overboard next time we meet up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a bit shorter, but the chapter lengths do fluctuate a fair bit depending on what i decided worked best
> 
> Anyways this one contains a lot of my dumb headcanons for Killer in it, because i think the mature look is a goddamn farce and i channel my shitposts through him
> 
> Love you all and thanks for reading!!


	4. the boys try to play cupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penguin: wait
> 
> Wire: wait
> 
> Killer: wait
> 
> Penguin: thERYR FkhucGing DATING??
> 
> Sanji: unfortunately
> 
> Zoro: fuck you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the everything yall! I got on to see these kudos and bookmarks and comments and I love you all!!!
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - Heat  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Zoro  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - Robin

Heat: does anyone know how much mass a barrel can hold

 

Heat: wait nvm he fit

 

Usopp: do I want to know?

 

Wire: probably not

 

Sanji: that doesn't sound morally good???

 

Heat: were pirates were not meant to be???

 

Killer: we are gay tho

 

Killer: very very gay

 

Heat: hmmmm

 

Killer: *queer

 

Killer: sorry

 

Wire: we're here

 

Wire: we're queer

 

Wire: and we ran out of beer :)))

 

Heat: o shit

 

Killer: o shit

 

Cap'n Kid: who the FUCK finished the booze?

 

Penguin: mum's angry O^O

 

Wire: ennis

 

Cap'n Kid: right.

 

Killer: rip in pieces

 

Usopp: man I feel sorry for Ennis

 

Usopp: whoever that is

 

Heat: little gremlin with black hair who tripped over her own feet twice when we last met up

 

Usopp: ah

 

Penguin: rip Ennis, the gremlin will be missed

 

 

 

 

I am the Law: who the FUCK left the fridge door open

 

I am the Law: I would have thought you all knew how damn hot it gets in this tiny tin bottle

 

I am the Law: and it's common fucking sense to close the bloody door

 

Zoro: why are you in the kitchen at 1am

 

I am the Law: midnight snack

 

I am the Law: except now the chocolate is all MELTED.

 

Zoro: yikes

 

Zoro: @Shachi deal with this

 

Shachi: what the fuck have you seen the time

 

Zoro: read up

 

Shachi:

 

Shachi: (it was probs Bepo pls dont hurt him)

 

I am the Law: fgsklnd

 

I am the Law: fine.

 

 

 

 

Wire: anyone know how to nicely tell your captain who can and will pull rank on you how completely gone he is for another captain?

 

Wire: need help

 

Usopp: sorry there's no way we'd have to deal with that, pretty sure Luffy's aro

 

Penguin: uhh, me too id like to know law is being Insufferabletm today

 

Usopp: I mean Nami managed to get Zoro and Sanji together but that took AGES

 

Penguin: wait

 

Wire: wait

 

Killer: wait

 

Penguin: thERYR FkhucGing DATING??

 

Sanji: unfortunately

 

Zoro: fuck you

 

Usopp: well kinda??? it's not really a conventional relationship but I guess

 

Killer: add gay couple guru please

 

Usopp: Nami?

 

Usopp: k

 

**Usopp added $nami$ to I can't believe the only adult is called Kid**

 

$nami$: Pay me for my services.

 

Usopp: I didn't even tell you why I readded you???

 

$nami$: money senses were tingling

 

Wire: i

 

Wire: i feel like i dont want to be involved in this

 

Cap'n Kid: what the fuck are you scheming

 

Killer: s c a t t e r

 

**$nami$ added Robin to I can't believe the only adult is called Kid**

 

$nami$: DISTRACTION

 

Robin: Henlo.

 

Shachi: oh god

 

Robin: UwU

 


	5. everyone gets fitted into an alignment chart and flatters Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heat: im sitting next to him rn and hes crying
> 
>  
> 
> Killer: HE HAS PRETTY EYES OOKAY
> 
>  
> 
> Wire: killer youre a disaster bi if i ever saw one
> 
>  
> 
> Killer: rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof yall are being super nice and ily!!!!!
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - Heat  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Zoro  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - Robin

Cap'n Kid: you know i can scroll up right?

 

Cap'n Kid: @Killer maybe you should concentrate on your own love life instead

 

Heat: oh ho

 

Killer: oh no

 

Cap'n Kid: because at least i can keep my attraction to the same people

 

Cap'n Kid: at least im not thirsting for someone twice my height and age (:

 

Killer: cHarLoTTe DogtOOTh kaTAKuRI iS H Ot oKA y

 

Penguin: his tattoos are neon pink??

 

Heat: boys got bad taste

 

Wire: bisexual mess finds everything attractive

 

Shachi: m8

 

Killer: look

 

Killer: LOOK

 

Penguin:

 

Heat: im sitting next to him rn and hes crying

 

Killer: HE HAS PRETTY EYES OOKAY

 

Wire: killer youre a disaster bi if i ever saw one

 

Killer: rude

 

Heat: Kids a distinguished gay

 

Wire: is he tho

 

Heat: well he sure as fuck isnt functional

 

Usopp: Robin's a distinguished bi

 

Robin: ~UvU~

 

Shachi: usopps a functional bi

 

Ikkaku: And Shachi's a disaster gay.

 

Shachi: dont want to hear that from a disaster lesbian

 

$nami$: There's nothing wrong with being a disaster lesbian

 

Usopp: Nami youre a functional lesbian

 

Usopp: keep up the good work

 

Penguin: shachi and ikkaku are mlm/wlw solidarity

 

Ikkaku: Oh look, another disaster bi.

 

Penguin: hey! i was being nice

 

Shachi: yeah you aint distinguished or functional

 

Penguin: betrayed by my best friend

 

Ikkaku: Law is a functional pan.

 

Shachi:

 

Penguin:

 

Killer:

 

Usopp:

 

$nami$:

 

Shachi: shit youre right

 

Usopp: wait whos a distinguished lesbian

 

$nami$: Vivi

 

Robin: Perona.

 

Brook: Sanji's sister

 

Zoro: perona is NOT distinguished

 

Sanji: fuck you marimo of course she is

 

Usopp: Brook youre a distinguished pan

 

Zoro: bitch you didnt spend 2 years with her

 

Brook: nice ~^!^~

 

Sanji: dont be such an unnecessary dick to others you moron

 

Usopp: Sanji just slammed his phone down on the counter and ran out of the kitchen to fight Zoro

 

Nami: why am I surrounded by morons

 

**Brook changed Zoro's name to Marimoron**

 

Ikkaku: Oof the big mood has arrived.

 

Robin: Eustass said “people”.

 

Shachi: oh my gohhhd

 

 

 

 

Penguin: wait did you just categorise me with Usopp

 

Penguin: wow thats flattering

 

Usopp: how tf is that flattering

 

Killer: youre really fucking pretty dude

 

Usopp: im not??????

 

Shachi: you are

 

Penguin: you are

 

Heat: you are

 

I am the Law: you are

 

Robin: You are.

 

Sanji: you are

 

Marimoron: you are

 

$nami$: You kind of are

 

Marimoron: who changed my name??

 

Marimoron: how do I change it back

 

Sanji: no one tell him

 

I am the Law: where did Usopp go

 

Usopp: This is Chopper please whatever you're doing please stop you're embarrassing Usopp

 

Usopp: He ran into the med bay screaming and threw his phone at me

 

Penguin: we were just telling him how attractive he is

 

Usopp: nevermind please continue

 

Usopp: fdsdyscjlhndsjfkl what did he say

 

Usopp:

 

Penguin:

 

Usopp: I cant believe even Chopper did this

 

Cap'n Kid: youre fucking attractive asshole. deal.

 

Heat: holy shit

 

Shachi: brb crying

 

Robin: Just saw Usopp,

 

Robin: @Cap'n Kid congrats you killed him.

 


	6. Ikkaku memes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cap'n Kid: this chat has become suspiciously quiet
> 
>  
> 
> Penguin: :-)
> 
>  
> 
> Cap'n Kid: oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a bit short lol, but i will also be uploading the next chapter today, which is much longer :)
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - Heat  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - Robin

I am the Law: wait

 

I am the Law: “Oof the big mood has arrived” - Ikkaku

 

I am the Law: is everyone ignoring that Ikkaku used a meme

 

Ikkaku: Actually I meme quite regularly

 

Ikkaku: You would know that if you ever checked our crew chat :)

 

Killer: oof

 

Shachi: i think youve now roasted everyone in our crew to their faces

 

Ikkaku: I haven't done myself so not quite everyone ;)

 

Penguin: impossible. ikkaku is successful in everything she aims to achieve

 

Penguin: a flawless goddess

 

$nami$: Incorrect

 

Ikkaku: Don't do this to me

 

$nami$: Useless lesbian once spilt 3 different drinks on herself over the course of an evening whenever the pretty bartender flirted with her

 

Ikkaku: Ouch

 

Heat: what a call out

 

Ikkaku: Reputation ruined

 

Marimoron: lesbian: useless

 

Marimoron: reputation: ruined

 

Marimoron: called: out

 

Ikkaku: I am forcibly removed from the premises

 

Shachi: that memes kinda old

 

Shachi: and done incorrectly

 

Ikkaku: If it fits, I wits

 

Shachi: yikes

 

Wire: watching your english devolve is incredible

 

**Heat renamed the chat to if it fits I wits**

 

$nami$: Awful. Thanks I hate it

 

Ikkaku: ),:

 

 

 

 

Usopp: you know what I said about not having issues with a gay pining captain

 

Usopp: I was wrong

 

Usopp: so so wrong

 

Usopp: wait I have a solution

 

 

 

 

Cap'n Kid: this chat has become suspiciously quiet

 

Penguin: :-)

 

Cap'n Kid: oh no

 

Shachi: :-)

 

Penguin: :-)

 

Shachi: :-)

 

Penguin: :-)

 

Shachi: :-)

 

Penguin: :-)

 

Ikkaku: Please stop

 

Killer: :-)

 

Marimoron: what the fuck

 


	7. Luffy is added and it goes downhill from here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nickname key  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - Heat  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - Robin  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Jinbei

**Marimoron added LUFFY to if it fits I wits**

 

LUFFY: I cant believe you had a group chat without me!! ):

 

Cap'n Kid: oh no

 

I am the Law: oh no

 

**LUFFY changed the chat name to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

I am the Law: we are not calling ourselves that

 

LUFFY: TT^TT

 

Cap'n Kid: who the FUCK let him in

 

Zoro: sorry he pulled rank on me

 

**I am the Law left HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

**Cap'n Kid added I am the Law to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

Cap'n Kid: if im stuck here so are you

 

I am the Law: hhhg thats fair

 

LUFFY: o（ｉДｉ）o

 

 

 

 

Heat: whaat the fuck is up guys,

 

I am the Law: its 2am go to sleep?

 

Heat: I just woke up from my 3 hour depression nap

 

Heat: so no.

 

Usopp: please stop texting if you wake up Nami with your notifications im going to suffer the consequences

 

Heat: on another note how much gunpoweder would be required to put a hole in the moon

 

Killer: theoretically?

 

Heat:

 

Heat:... yeah

 

Cap'n Kid: we are not fucking doing this go to sleep or im making you cook all meals for the next month

 

Killer:

 

I am the Law:

 

Usopp:

 

Cap'n Kid:

 

Cap'n Kid: I can see youre still online go the fuck to sleep

 

Heat: zzz

 

**Cap'n Kid changed Heat's name to HOE.**

 

 

 

 

Usopp: this is too chaotic im adding dad

 

**Usopp added Jinbei to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

Jinbei: Is this the chat Brook is always looking at on his phone?

 

LUFFY: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

$nami$: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Sanji: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Killer: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Penguin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Shachi: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

HOE.: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Brook: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Jinbei has left HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

**Brook added Jinbei to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

Brook: pls stay

 

Jinbei:

 

Jinbei: Fine.

 

Killer: whipped

 

Shachi: whipped

 

Penguin: whipped

 

$nami$: whipped

 

I am the Law: whipped

 

Cap'n Kid: whipped

 

**Jinbei has left HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

LUFFY: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

 

 

Shachi: I would die for some mac n cheese rn

 

Killer:!!!!

 

Killer: we got

 

Killer: wait fuck

 

Killer: nvm

 

Killer: were on different ships

 

Penguin: OwO what's this?

 

Shachi: never do that again

 

Penguin: bondage?

 

Penguin: *bonding

 

Shachi: bondage

 

Killer: bondage

 

$nami$: bondage

 

Ikkaku: bondage

 

I am the Law: bondage

 

Wire: why is Kid laughing

 

Wire: ah

 

Penguin: all I wanted to do was comment on how cute they were being wire help me

 

HOE.: bondage

 

Cap'n Kid: bondage

 

Wire:

 

Penguin:

 

Penguin: pls

 

Wire: bondage

 

Penguin: I hate this fucking family


	8. people finally start to do the romance thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall! finally some of that shipping stuff actually happens in this chapter. Apologies if the romance stuff isn't top notch, my aro ass has no idea what i'm doing lmao
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - HOE.  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - Robin  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Jinbei

 

**LUFFY added Cap'n Kid and I am the Law to CAPTAIN'S CHAT**

 

LUFFY: BOTH OF YOU DATE ME

 

Cap'n Kid: what the shit

 

I am the Law: dgjhsfdgklsdfk

 

LUFFY: date me

 

LUFFY: please

 

I am the Law: sure

 

Cap'n Kid: that was pretty fucking quick

 

I am the Law: I panicked

 

I am the Law: and have been pining for a while

 

LUFFY: Eusty you too!!

 

Cap'n Kid: yeah fuck it

 

Cap'n Kid: ok

 

LUFFY: (๑˃̵ ᴗ ˂̵)

 

 

 

 

**HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

$nami$: @I am the Law @Cap'n Kid ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Usopp: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

I am the Law: please no

 

Killer: what the fuck

 

HOE.: happened.

 

Shachi: all three captains are dating now

 

I am the Law: dgjdfkjghdfk how did you know

 

Ikkaku: You ain't slick Captain.

 

I am the Law: fuck

 

LUFFY: I ASKED THEM OUT!!!!

 

**Cap'n Kid left HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

I am the Law: (babe no)

 

**LUFFY added Cap'n Kid to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

**Robin uploaded babe.png**

 

I am the Law: you guys attack me so quick holy shit

 

Penguin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Shachi: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Ikkaku: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

LUFFY: leave my boyfriend alone ヾ(｀ε´)ﾉ

 

I am the Law: fsdghkdfgl

 

Cap'n Kid: gay

 

Killer: you are a homosexual in a relationship with two other dudes @Cap'n Kid

 

Cap'n Kid: and thats already a million more datemates than you have

 

HOE.: he went in for the kill

 

Penguin: rip

 

Shachi: rip

 

Usopp: rip

 

Penguin: okay but how did Luffy ask them out when Kid and Law have been thirsting for months

 

Robin: Well as soon as Luffy figured out his giant crushes, there wasn't going to be much to stop him.

 

Robin: He asked me what to do and I told him to be himself and it would all be fine.

 

Robin: So he did.

 

Marimoron: he was yelling at me about you two for almost a week before he figured it out tho

 

LUFFY: (;^;)

 

Cap'n Kid: dont call out my bf like this

 

LUFFY: (〃 ω 〃)

 

Cap'n Kid: thats my job

 

LUFFY: (இдஇ; )

 


	9. problematic affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikkaku: Hi my character is a goth teifling rogue and she's a giant lesbian
> 
>  
> 
> HOE.: my dnd oc is a bard and they play the kazoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry there's one (1) homestuck refence and i tried to edit it out but alas :(
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Killer  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - HOE.  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Penguin  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - Robin  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Jinbei

LUFFY: I love my dm

 

HOE.: you have a dungeon master

 

Usopp: datemate, dumbass

 

Killer: i was worried you guys were playing dnd without me for a sec

 

Penguin: hi uhhhh this is my dnd character hes a paladin and likes to rap in his spare time

 

Killer: Dave Strider.

 

Penguin: fuck.

 

**HOE. changed Penguin's name to DaveStri**

 

Shachi: this chat is so cursed

 

Ikkaku: Hi my character is a goth teifling rogue and she's a giant lesbian

 

HOE.: my dnd oc is a bard and they play the kazoo

 

Killer: KAZOO KID

 

Cap'n Kid: oh my god

 

I am the Law: my dnd oc is a cleric who is a salty motherfucker because everyone keeps running into fights recklessly :)

 

Shachi: we apologised

 

Ikkaku: I did it ONCE

 

 

 

 

Wire: well if youre gonna be affectionate in the group chat

 

Cap'n Kid: oh no

 

Wire: @HOE. (*°∀°)=❤❤

 

HOE.: @Wire ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

 

Killer: Kid you broguht this on yourself

 

DaveStri: and now we have to suffer

 

**Ikkaku kicked HOE. From HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

**Ikkaku kicked Wire from HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

$nami$: savage.

 

Ikkaku: They can come back when they're ready to keep that shit out of here

 

DaveStri: well because i didnt know they were dating

 

DaveStri: is there anyone else in a relationship i dont know about

 

Ikkaku:

 

DaveStri: are you kidding

 

$nami$:

 

Shachi: holy shit

 

Usopp: probably should have figured that out

 

Killer: how did you not see it

 

Cap'n Kid: not everyone is romanctially aware like you Mr Thirst tm

 

Shachi: holy shit????

 

DaveStri: wrecked

 

**Killer changed their name to Mr Thirst**

 

**Mr Thirst added HOE. to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

**Mr Thirst added Wire to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

HOE.:

 

Wire:

 

HOE.: what the fuck happened to your name

 

Wire: we were gone for 5 minutes

 

DaveStri: did you know Ikkaku and Nami are dating

 

HOE.: what the fuck

 

 

 

 

Mr Thirst: hello my name is regretti and i like spaghetti

 

Usopp: what did you do

 

Killer: i may have beaten up some kids

 

Penguin: WHY

 

Mr Thirst: they were being mean to me for wearing a skirt

 

Mr Thirst: so i beat them up

 

Penguin: amazing.

 

Mr Thirst: look that wasn't the problem the problem was the parents they snitched to

 

Cap'n Kid: we didnt get all our fucking supplies you cracked toilet seat

 

Mr Thirst: look

 

Mr Thirst: these things happen

 

Cap'n Kid: i had my head turned for one minute

 

Mr Thirst: l o o k

 

Usopp: i cannot believe you are the first mate

 


	10. wow look at that Kid is dysfunctional too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr Thirst: oh speaking of gay
> 
>  
> 
> Mr Thirst: @Shachi got any crushes
> 
>  
> 
> DaveStri: why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hrrg sorry I didn't update yesterday. I'm in Australia and yesterday was star wars day so I marathoned all 9 movies with my friends
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Mr Thirst  
> Kid - Cap'n Kid  
> Heat - HOE.  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - DaveStri  
> Shachi - Shachi  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - Robin  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Jinbei

Mr Thirst: @Cap'n Kid did you check the oven

 

 

 

 

Mr Thirst: @Cap'n Kid

 

Mr Thirst: @Cap'n Kid

 

Mr Thirst: @Cap'n Kid

 

I am the Law: oh my god ill text him just stop

 

Cap'n Kid: what

 

Mr Thirst: did you check the oven like I asked an hour ago

 

Cap'n Kid:

 

Cap'n Kid: I dont remember you asking that

 

Wire: i'll check the oven

 

HOE.: THE CAKE

 

**HOE. Changed Cap'n Kid's name to A child**

 

A child: fuck you

 

**HOE. Changed their name to hot stuff**

 

Wire: nice

 

Shachi: gay

 

hot stuff: gay

 

 

 

 

Mr Thirst: oh speaking of gay

 

Mr Thirst: @Shachi got any crushes

 

DaveStri: why

 

Mr Thirst: im fucking bored

 

Shachi: hm,,,,

 

Shachi: bitch

 

Mr Thirst: understandable have a nice day

 

 

 

 

LUFFY: hhhhh

 

LUFFY: does anyone know how to pick a lock

 

hot stuff: its midnight

 

LUFFY: d o e s a n y o n e k n o w h o w t o p i c k a l o c k

 

hot stuff: killer does

 

hot stuff: he sticks his tongue out at a funny angle when he does its really funny

 

Sanji: LUFFY GET THE FUCKG OUT OF THE KTVCNEN

 

LUFFY: nvm

 

 

 

 

Shachi: wait you know what killer looks like without the helmet

 

Shachi: @hot stuff

 

hot stuff: ya

 

Shachi: wait does all of your crew know what your face looks like?

 

Mr Thirst: yeahhh???

 

DaveStri: wanna!!!see!!

 

Mr Thirst: wow who are you, luffy

 

**DaveStri changed their name to luffy**

 

Mr Thirst: well i guess I trust yall enough

 

**Mr Thirst uploaded boom.png**

 

luffy: f r e c k l e s

 

Shachi: I cant see your face dude no fair

 

Usopp: you have so much hair goddamn

 

Mr Thirst: :P

 

Mr Thirst: what about you two tho

 

Shachi: whaddya mean

 

Mr Thirst: under the hats and glasses

 

Mr Thirst: pics are only fair

 

luffy: :/

 

luffy: I have a medical condition so I hide part of that with my hat

 

Mr Thirst: ohhhb shit sorry

 

Usopp: Penguin I cant deal with your name im changing it

 

**Usopp changed luffy's name to Slip n Slide**

 

Slip n Slide: why

 

Usopp: thats what they do

 

Shachi: who

 

Usopp: penguins

 

Slip n Slide: im groaning so bad dude

 

**Shachi uploaded newyearpartyy.png**

 

Mr Thirst: oh wow

 

Mr Thirst: yr b oth pre t ty

 

Slip n Slide: you traitorous whore

 

**Ikkaku changed Shachi's name to Traitor**

 

Slip n Slide: anyways I got congenital hypotrichosis so no hair for me

 

Mr Thirst: anywhere?? ;)

 

Slip n Slide: I will choke you

 

Mr Thirst: kinky

 

Usopp: im leaving

 

Traitor: stop driving away the sane people


	11. Kid's info gets overshared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A child: hm
> 
> A child: i dont like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nickname key  
> Killer - Mr Thirst  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - hot stuff  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Traitor  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Sanji  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - Robin  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Jinbei

LUFFY: @Mr Thirst Kid hasnt been answering all day is he okay????

 

Mr Thirst: hes hyperfixating on something in the workshop today, hes been going for 8 hours

 

I am the Law: oh. Hes neurodivergent too

 

Traitor: pulling in as the dad friend i see

 

Mr Thirst: nah just compensating for kids adhd

 

Mr Thirst: thats what the oven thing was the other day

 

 

 

 

A child: dont tell people stuff about me without permission

 

LUFFY: then answer your boyfriends :((((((((

 

I am the Law: is there anything else important about kid we need to know

 

Mr Thirst: hes super afraid of dogs

 

A child: hm

 

A child: i dont like this.

 

hot stuff: he wont touch avocado or peas. hates the texture

 

Wire: allergic to lilies

 

$nami$: What are you, a cat

 

Mr Thirst: he loves cats

 

Mr Thirst: hyenas are his favourite

 

Slip n Slide: hyenas are fucking cats???

 

A child: cats that evolved to fit into the environmental niche of a canine predator.

 

Slip n Slide:

 

A child: I hyperfixated on it one time as a child

 

Usopp: what childhood fears did he have

 

Mr Thirst: inadequecy and being discarded as most neglected children have

 

Mr Thirst: and this one time he cdfgssgvj

 

Wire: kid just bodyslammed killer holy fuck

 

**Wire uploaded niceblowfucko.jpeg**

 

Slip n Slide: why is it jpeg

 

Wire: idk

 

 

 

 

hot stuff: aokiji marco the phoenix and smoker

 

hot stuff: WRONG CHAT WRONG CHAT

 

$nami$: Again?

 

$nami$: (Add me to that chat please)

 

Sanji: please dont get involved in whatever shady affairs they partake Nami

 

$nami$: We're pirates

 

Ikkaku: Let her do as she pleases snail brows.

 

Wire: oooooooooooooooh

 

**Robin changed Sanji's named to Snail mail**

 

Wire: nice

 

Marimoron: nice

 

$nami$: nice

 

Ikkaku: nice

 

Usopp: do you only change names in this chat?

 

**Robin changed their name to hELL YeaH**

 

hELL YeaH: Absolutely not.

 


	12. the cast is all here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usopp: you
> 
>  
> 
> Usopp: You just have his number?
> 
>  
> 
> LUFFY: well i did beat him in a fight
> 
>  
> 
> LUFFY: so we swapped numbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here he is!!!!! the last boy is finally here!!!!
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Mr Thirst  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - hot stuff  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Traitor  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - hELL YeaH  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Jinbei  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

Ikkaku: We never found a disaster pan

 

Wire: excuse me?

 

Ikkaku: When we were doing that alignment shit.

 

Ikkaku: I was looking through the older chat logs.

 

Ikkaku: I can't think of anyone though.

 

Usopp: I mean Franky's pan, but hes more functional

 

LUFFY: katakuri.

 

Killer: h

 

Wire: you got here quick

 

LUFFY: hes pan

 

A child: how the hell do you know that

 

LUFFY: he told me!!!!

 

LUFFY: we were talking about it when i was figuring out I was gay

 

Usopp: you

 

Usopp: You just have his number?

 

LUFFY: well i did beat him in a fight

 

LUFFY: so we swapped numbers

 

LUFFY: i can add him if you want

 

Mr Thirst: NO

 

**LUFFY added Dogtooth to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

Mr Thirst: ffffffuuuuuckk

 

Dogtooth: um

 

Dogtooth: I'm not a part of this alliance

 

LUFFY: well we were looking for a disaster pan so I thought you could be that (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

 

Dogtooth: but i'm not a part of this alliance

 

A child: well you can always join

 

I am the Law: what

 

Traitor: what

 

Snail mail: what

 

Mr Thirst: WHA T

 

Dogtooth: excuse me?

 

A child: im eustass kid

 

A child: youre tall and punk so you fit our aesthetic if you wanted to join the kid pirates

 

Mr Thirst: fhlhavkjbiudl

 

I am the Law: hes still in big moms crew you cant just convert him

 

Dogtooth:

 

Dogtooth: how important is reputation

 

LUFFY: oh!!!!

 

hot stuff: we are a group of angry queers no fucks are to be given

 

Dogtooth: that sounds anxiety inducing

 

A child: only mildly

 

Dogtooth: hmm

 

Dogtooth: is it alight if i stay in this chat, just to see if i want to stick with you guys

 

hot stuff: absolutely

 

Traitor: @Mr Thirst youve been rather quiet

 

Mr Thirst: hhhhhhhh

 

Dogtooth: are you okay

 

Mr Thirst: youre really pretty and im suuuper fucking g a y

 

**Mr Thirst left HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

Dogtooth: oh

 

Dogtooth: nice

 

Slip n Slide: gay

 

Dogtooth: no fucking shit

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dogtooth: nevermind i don't want to be on this crew
> 
>  
> 
> A child: its too late you fool
> 
>  
> 
> Barbed: one of us
> 
>  
> 
> dumpster fire: one of us
> 
>  
> 
> Useless bi: one of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao a lot of this romance stuff is happening fast but thats what happens when an aromantic does romance i guess ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Mr Thirst  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - hot stuff  
> Wire - Wire  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Traitor  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - Usopp  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - hELL YeaH  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Jinbei  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

**Wire added Mr Thirst to HEADGEAR ALLIANCE**

 

**Slip n Slide renamed the chat The Gay Pitstop**

 

Dogtooth: howdy

 

Traitor: oh fuck no

 

Dogtooth: what I can't meme?

 

Dogtooth: oh I'm not allowed to meme??

 

Mr Thirst: (nice ron)

 

Slip n Slide: you absolutely fill the role as disaster pan

 

Dogtooth: what does that entail

 

$nami$: Being yourself

 

**Mr Thirst changed their named to Killer**

 

Traitor: nah

 

**Traitor changed Killer's name to Useless bi**

 

Useless bi: thats fair

 

**Slip n Slide changed Traitor's name to Syrup boy**

 

Syrup boy: oh god

 

Ikkaku: Shachi spilt the syrup all over the kitchen

 

Slip n Slide: he hit everywhere but the pancakes

 

Slip n Slide: bepo put a lot of effort into making those pancakes

 

**Wire changed their name to Barbed**

 

**Wire changed Usopp's name to God**

 

**Wire changed hELL YeaH's name to She Who Sees All**

 

 

Barbed: nice

 

God: nice

 

She Who Sees All: Nice.

 

Hot stuff: ಥ_ಥ

 

Barbed: but your name is already perfect

 

**Useless bi changed hot stuff's name to dumpster fire**

 

dumpster fire: im going to throw your pillows overboard

 

Slip n Slide: yikes

 

Dogtooth: nevermind i don't want to be on this crew

 

A child: its too late you fool

 

Barbed: one of us

 

dumpster fire: one of us

 

Useless bi: one of us

 

Syrup boy: one of us

 

Slip n Slide: one of us

 

God: guys please

 

 

 

 

Marimoron: oi @God

 

Marimoron: swirly brow and i wanna talk to you

 

God: where are you

 

Marimoron: robin's library

 

God: okay i'll be there soon

 

 

 

 

Slip n Slide: what was that about

 

Shee Who Sees All: Romance confession times UwU

 

Slip n Slide: oh shit. nice

 

 

 

 

God: we're dating now

God: oh wait you already knew that I guess

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Jinbei  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

**Brook added Jinbei to The Gay Pitstop**

 

Brook: We'll try this again

 

Dogtooth: oh hello

 

Jinbei: What are you doing here?

 

$nami$: Dad senses activated

 

LUFFY: i added him

 

LUFFY: dont worry hes cool

 

Jinbei: Hmmmm.

 

Brook: We trust Luffy to know what he's doing babe

 

Jinbei: Fine.

 

Dogtooth: oh. you two are dating?

 

Jinbei: Yes :)

 

Dogtooth: how do you guys fuck

 

Useless bi: OH MY GODDD

 

Syrup boy: whyyy

 

Brook: We bone ;)

 

useless bi: hhhahahahaaaaaaaa

 

Jinbei: I don't like this.

 

I am the Law: dont leave me on my own

 

Jinbei: Fine.

 

Brook: <3

 

Jinbei:... <3

 

Slip n Slide: gay

 

Jinbei: Don't push my buttons.

 

**She Who Sees All changed Jinbei's name to Supreme dad**

 

Supreme dad: I hate this.

 

 

 

 

Useless bi: @

 

Dogtooth: who was that meant to be for?

 

Useless bi: hhhhh

 

Useless bi: the pertttyiestest oens

 

Ikkaku: Are you drunk?

 

dumpster fire: yes

 

dumpster fire: why did you need to ask

 

Syrup boy: i mean

 

Syrup boy: youve met the guy

 

dumpster fire: thats true

 

Useless bi: ;(((((

 

Slip n Slide: is that a sad winky face

 

Useless bi: ;)

 

Useless bi: you know it bab

 

Useless bi: baeb

 

Useless bi: babe

 

Dogtooth: you should maybe put your phone down before you write something you'll regret

 

Useless bi: you say tgat but i basically admitted my crush on you as soon as you joined this chat

 

Useless bi: wghat else am i gonna do

 

Useless bi: conffes to thr othher two???

 

Ikkaku:

 

Barbed:

 

Slip n Slide:

 

Syrup boy:

 

Dogtooth:

 

Useless bi: wait

 

Useless bi: fukc

 

 

 

 

$nami$: Ooh~

 

$nami$: Drunk confessions huh?

 

Useless bi: please no

 

God: are we gonna bet on who the other crushes are

 

Useless bi: p l e a s e n o

 

She Who Sees All: I already know ^U^

 

$nami$: Is that a yes

 

Useless bi: P L E A S E N O

 

Dogtooth: i want in on the betting too

 

Useless bi: god dammit


	15. i'm sorry i'm not naming chapters anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmaooo i only just figured out to get rid of the same end notes at the bottom of every chapter. i'm dumb
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Supreme dad  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

Ikkaku: @Syrup boy Got any crushes

 

Syrup boy: fuck off

 

$nami$: That sounds guilty

 

Slip n Slide: you like someone?? you never told me

 

God: huh

 

Syrup boy: dont huh me you fuck

 

Slip n Slide: @Syrup boy who do you like

 

Syrup boy: mmmmmmm

 

Syrup boy: there are a few

 

Useless bi: oh worm?

 

Syrup boy: @Slip n Slide meet me in the second corridor and ill tell you

 

Ikkaku: sounds gay

 

Syrup boy: it is

 

Slip n Slide: later losers

 

 

 

 

Syrup boy: so

 

Syrup boy: i have a boyfriend now

 

God: good for you!

 

Ikkaku: Which one

 

Ikkaku: Shachi which boy did you friend.

 

Ikkaku: @Syrup boy

 

Slip n Slide: ;)

 

I am the Law: finally

 

Dogtooth: noice

 

Useless bi: ah

 

dumpster fire: whats wrong killer that sounded half hearted

 

Useless bi: shut

 

Barbed: congrats

 

Barbed: @Syrup boy Who you gonna romance next?

 

Syrup boy: dddddd leave me alone for five minutes please

 

Ikkaku: Ew they're making out in the corridor

 

Ikkaku: People have to walk through there

 

$nami$: Babe go to your room and we can message each other

 

Ikkaku: ;)

 

$nami$: ;)

 

Useless bi: yall just gonna leave my single ass on my own

 

dumpster fire: good idea

 

Useless bi: hhh

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo i have a tumblr if anyone wanted to say hi  
>  (you can hmu with ideas too if you want)


	16. this is for plot don't worry everything is fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slip n Slide: he lets his impulses take over all of the most vital decisions
> 
>  
> 
> Slip n Slide: bc he goes into panic
> 
>  
> 
> I am the Law: PENGUIN
> 
>  
> 
> Marimoron: is that how we ended up in an alliance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo i'm sorry i haven't updated in a couple of days. i know that sounds dumb, but because i have them all i've been updating almost daily  
> anyways here ya go <3
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Supreme dad  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

Dogtooth: i have to move away immediately

 

God: what happened

 

Dogtooth: we were in a meeting and i thought of a meme shachi sent the other day and started laughing

 

Dogtooth: nobody's seen me express emotion other than anger and vague disappointment before

 

Slip n Slide: hholy shittt

 

Syrup boy: im glad someone thinks im funny <3

 

A child: bad family. execute

 

dumpster fire: kill them to salvage your reputation

 

Barbed: ask the maids living in 12 main street of cacao island for a way out

 

Dogtooth: thanks

 

Dogtooth: i'll probably be off here for a while

 

$nami$: Get another phone in case they can track yours

 

Dogtooth: good thinking. i'll ask luffy to add me back in whem i'm out

 

**Dogtooth has left The Gay Pitstop**

 

Useless bi: now im sad

 

Useless bi: :,(

 

 

 

 

LUFFY: guys look what I found!!!!

 

LUFFY: ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽

 

A child: its so ugly imf laughving

 

I am the Law: cute

 

LUFFY: >////<

 

 

 

 

Useless bi: how yall feeling today

 

Ikkaku: hrgggggggggggHDF

 

Ikkaku: Gender is a scam.

 

hot stuff: we been knew

 

Barbed: oof that nonbinary mood

 

$nami$: What's the problem

 

Ikkaku: Makeup is expensive. Like, fuck off I don't want to spend $50 on a single tube of lipstick.

 

A child: make your own

 

Ikkaku: I can do that?

 

Ikkaku: Hhhhh teach me please

 

A child: i'll pm you

 

Ikkaku: Bless.

 

 

 

 

I am the Law: @$nami$ left right or centre

 

$nami$: Right

 

$nami$: Why?

 

I am the Law: choosing an island

 

Snail mail: shouldn't you consider the danger levels of the islands instead

 

Supreme dad: I agree, not your best idea.

 

I am the Law: i dont shit all over the way your crew does things

 

Slip n Slide: he lets his impulses take over all of the most vital decisions

 

Slip n Slide: bc he goes into panic

 

I am the Law: PENGUIN

 

Marimoron: is that how we ended up in an alliance

 

I am the Law: yes

 

A child: it was also how he ended up dating luffy

 

**I am the Law left The Gay Pitstop**

 

**LUFFY added I am the Law to The Gay Pitstop**

 

LUFFY: dont leave ಥ_ಥ

 

I am the Law: i choose at random because literally nothing can be worse than this

 

Ikkaku: I know this, and I love you.


	17. see i told you everything was fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dogtooth: but i want everyone else to answer that question though
> 
>  
> 
> Slip n Slide: does the bear have shark arms as in fins or as in sharks for arms
> 
>  
> 
> God: I hhhhate this chat sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Supreme dad  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

 

**LUFFY added Dogtooth to The Gay Pitstop**

 

Useless bi: fuck yes

 

Syrup boy: we missed you boo

 

Dogtooth: @A child i need to know where you are so i can join up with you guys

 

A child: on it

 

Barbed: holy shit we're really doing this

 

Slip n Slide: I cant wait for our next meeting hoo boy

 

Ikkaku: Some of you are rather eager( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Syrup boy: shut it

 

Useless bi: cant blame me for finally being able to meet my boy

 

Dogtooth: but we already met?

 

Dogtooth: when you guys tried taking on big mom but retreated as soon as you saw us

 

Barbed: that was killers fault

 

Useless bi: what was i meant to do

 

A child: follow the plan

 

Useless bi: look i was caught off guard okay

 

dumpster fire: you literally said “the plan is ruined we have to retreat”

 

God: wow youve had the hots for him for a while huh

 

Useless bi: b y e

 

Dogtooth: cute

 

Syrup boy: what

 

Slip n Slide: what

 

God: what

 

Dogtooth: hm

 

dumpster fire: oh god i dont want to deal with this tension in person

 

 

 

 

Dogtooth: this was a mistake.

 

I am the Law: which part

 

I am the Law: joining this alliance or joining kid's crew

 

LUFFY: rude :(

 

Dogtooth: yes

 

Useless bi: hes just grumpy that the first thing heat did when he saw him was fling bread at him

 

$nami$: he did what?

 

dumpster fire: wire dared me to

 

Dogtooth: there's this tiny little girl who naps like a starfish in the middle of the deck

 

dumpster fire: lol we used to trip over her all the time

 

Marimoron: thats not a very productive napping position

 

Snail mail: of course you come on for that

 

Marimoron: shut the fuck up at least i contribute when im on

 

Snail mail: yeah well at least my contributions are good

 

dumpster fire: @God deal with your bfs blease

 

God: I dont like this anymore

 

 

 

 

Dogtooth: would you rather fight a shark with bear arms or a bear with shark arms

 

Useless bi: a shark with bear arms

 

Useless bi: it would still need water to live in so if we fought on land i have that advantage

 

Dogtooth: we are in the same room.

 

Useless bi: yes but i didnt want to disturb anyone else

 

A child: if you two keep talking on here you forfeit

 

Dogtooth: but i want everyone else to answer that question though

 

Slip n Slide: does the bear have shark arms as in fins or as in sharks for arms

 

God: I hhhhate this chat sometimes

 

LUFFY: I WANNA FIGHT BOTH

 

I am the Law: why the fuck would i even need to

 

I am the Law: what are the circumstances

 

Syrup boy: he went offline. rude

 

 

 

 

Slip n Slide: rational or impulsive queer

 

Syrup boy: im rational

 

Ikkaku: Rational.

 

I am the Law: why are you doing this

 

Slip n Slide: answer the question. Im rational

 

I am the Law: you are the worst rationals ever. Impulsive

 

A child: im a rational mofo

 

$nami$: Please don't say that ever again. Rational

 

Barbed: impulsive

 

dumpster fire: impulsive

 

Dogtooth: rational

 

Useless bi: impulsive

 

LUFFY: ooh im impulsive!!!!

 

Brook: rational

 

Supreme dad: Rational.

 

God: im neither

 

Snail mail: stfu youre rational and ily. also rational

 

Marimoron: impulsive

 

She Who Sees All: Rational ＼（＾ ＾）／

 

Ikkaku: I think this is the most pure conversation we've had. Thank you everyone.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Useless bi: but wire got a fish
> 
>  
> 
> Barbed: because 1) i can take care of myself and B) its not hard to look after because its a FISH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Supreme dad  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

Slip n Slide: hey katakuri why exactly did you laughing mean you had to leave

 

Dogtooth; all of my siblings held me in very high regard. my defeat by luffy ruined that reputation and began to create a rift between me an the rest of my family

 

Dogtooth: they knew me to be stoic and strong and i just kept breaking those expectations that i became more trouble than i was worth

 

Syrup boy: god i am going to fight the fuck out of your siblings when i get the chance

 

Slip n Slide: same

 

 

 

 

Dogtooth: shachi.

 

Syrup boy: yes

 

Dogtooth: what's your favourite animal

 

A child: WE ARE NOT GETTING PETS

 

Useless bi: but wire got a fish

 

Barbed: because 1) i can take care of myself and B) its not hard to look after because its a FISH

 

Barbed: so stop eyeing the fucking dogs

 

Syrup boy:

 

Syrup boy: anyways i like lizards

 

Dogtooth: nice size

 

Syrup boy: please tell me you arent going to smuggle one on board

 

Dogtooth: don't need to. i've proved myself responsible enough

 

Dogtooth: so i'm getting 2 lizards

 

Useless bi: i hate this

 

Dogtooth: dude you can visit them

 

Useless bi: hm

 

Useless bi: okay i guess

 

 

 

 

dumpster fire: so today killer called a marine hot

 

Useless bi: im gonna murder u so bad

 

Barbed: okay but?? did you hear katakuri say “oh mood” under his breath in response

 

Syrup boy: oh my godd

 

**She Who Sees All changed the chat name to Marinefuckers Extreme**

 

Syrup boy: ayy rhyming nice

 

Dogtooth: wire i hate you

 

 

 

 

Supreme dad: Does anyone know when the next full moon is?

 

Supreme dad: Wait.

 

Supreme dad: Why is this called Marinefuckers Extreme?

 

Snail mail: because this chat fucking suckkks

 

Supreme dad: WHY IS THIS CHAT CALLED MARINEFUCKERS EXTREME?

 

Snail mail: @She Who Sees All

 

She Who Sees All: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

I am the Law: this chat is the worst

 

 

 

 

Slip n Slide: what if your eyelashes were tiny little fingers

 

Snail mail: cursed cursed cursed cursed cursed cursed cursed cursed cursed cursed

 

A child: hey what the fuck.

 

Dogtooth: does that mean that they clasp over when you close you eyes

 

Slip n Slide: youre genius and blessed

 

Snail mail: CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

LUFFY: I dont like this.

 

Syrup boy: <(｀^´)>

 

Useless bi: let them speak

 

Snail mail: the four of you suck go make your own group chat where we dont have to deal with your stupid tension

 

Syrup boy: this chat would be dead without us

 

Marimoron: good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that last thing about the finger eyelashes is something i asked my friends in year 11. they were not happy lmao


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Supreme dad  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

Snail mail: I hate being on this crew

 

Brook: I said I'm sorry

 

Snail mail: dude I dont even want to know

 

Slip n Slide: details

 

Snail Mail: I walked out to the kitchen at 5am to start prep right

 

Snail mail: and I walk in on brook dancing on my counters shirtless singing a song about skeletons

 

Snail mail: with socks on this hands

 

Supreme dad: .

 

Brook: Don't stifle my creativity

 

Ikkaku: Incredible.

 

 

 

 

Syrup boy: hey what if instead of fingers you had smaller hands

 

Syrup boy: so you have five smaller hands on each hand

 

Syrup boy: and on those small hands are even smaller hands instead of fingers

 

Useless bi: if your eyes werent so beautiful i would not hesitate to stab you

 

$nami$: Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad.

 

 

 

 

Dumpster fire: @$nami$ would you suck a duck for a million beri

 

$nami$: Yes

 

Ikkaku: Babe what.

 

$nami$: He never said it had to be a dude's dick. Besides

 

$nami$: A million beri is a million beri

 

dumpster fire: thats fair

 

Slip n Slide: law just got a photo of killer tied to the mast please explain

 

A child: hes facing the consequences of his actions

 

Slip n Slide: which are

 

A child: watching some shitbag kids dump 10 kilos of half rotten fish on our ship

 

A child: and do nothing

 

Syrup boy: @Useless bi youre amazing

 

 

 

 

Useless bi: thats gay

 

Useless bi: thanks

 

 

 

 

Slip n Slide: anyone on

 

Dogtooth: yes

 

God: yo

 

She Who Sees All: Hello.

 

Slip n Slide: okay question

 

Slip n Slide: gun to your head would you rather fuck whitebeard or big mom

 

God: awful. have a bad day

 

Dogtooth: whitebeard. considering i am not fucking my mother

 

dumpster fire: you mean big mummy or big daddy

 

She Who Sees All: Big Mummy.

 

Slip n Slide: usopp answer

 

God: Whitebeard because he's actually nice

 

She Who Sees All: May I change my answer?

 

Slip n Slide: you may not

 

Dogtooth: you made your bed. now lie in it

 

God: you two are a match made in hell

 

Dogtooth: <3

 

Slip n Slide: i have a boyfriend

 

She Who Sees All: Get another one.

 

Slip n Slide: bye

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Useless bi: dont touch my fort
> 
>  
> 
> Barbed: you have my fucking cereal dont you
> 
>  
> 
> Barbed: you dollar store bath plug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Supreme dad  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

Syrup boy: how much for 2 boyf

 

LUFFY: one good confession

 

Barbed: 2 altogether or 2 more

 

Syrup boy: yes

 

Dogtooth: 20 love and attention

 

Useless bi: one pickup line

 

$nami$: Try clear communication explicitly stating who you want and with what intentions

 

Syrup boy: sounds exhausting

 

Slip n Slide: oh for fucks sake

 

Slip n Slide: @Dogtooth @Useless bi do you want to be involved in a romantic relationship with Shachi and i

 

Barbed: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

 

Dogtooth: that would be nice

 

dumpster fire: ayyy that rhyme penguin

 

Syrup boy: killer?

 

Barbed: hes busy rn

 

Barbed: dw we will make sure he sees this

 

 

 

 

Useless bi: !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Useless bi: hell fucking yes

 

Ikkaku: Finally.

 

 

 

 

Barbed: killer did you take my cereal

 

Barbed: @Useless bi

 

Barbed: i know youre on

 

Useless bi: you cant prove it

 

Dogtooth: who made this pillow fort in the rec room

 

Useless bi: dont touch my fort

 

Barbed: you have my fucking cereal dont you

 

Barbed: you dollar store bath plug

 

Ikkaku: Creative.

 

Barbed: you are a dead man

 

Ikkaku: Wow.

 

Slip n Slide: hey killer id like to see you again give back the cereal and dont die

 

Useless bi: dw if i die wire would get stuck with extra chores

 

Barbed: fuck

 

 

 

 

God: hey Robin, youre the only person in this chat who isnt dating someone

 

She Who Sees All: Actually.

 

LUFFY: WHO???

 

She Who Sees All: :-)

 

dumpster fire: wh o

 

She Who Sees All: :-)

 

Ikkaku: Cursed. Goodbye

 

**Ikkaku left Marinefuckers Extreme**

 

**Slip n Slide added Ikkaku to Marinefuckers Extreme**

 

**Slip n Slide changed the chat name to robin who the fuck is it**

 

I am the Law: I know who it is

 

dumpster fire: spill

 

I am the Law: not my secret to say

 

LUFFY: L A W

 

I am the Law: :-)

 

She Who Sees All: :-)

 

Supreme dad: :-)

 

God: you know who it is too??

 

Supreme dad: : - )

 

God: I hate this fucking family

 

 

 

 

$nami$: What happened to the chat name?

 

Slip n Slide: robin is dating someone but wont say who

 

$nami$: Ah ok.

 

Slip n Slide: you know who it is dont you

 

$nami$: Yeah

 

She Who Sees All: :^)

 

Syrup boy: put that away

 

She Who Sees All: :^(

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am the Law: this is literally how all our meetups go i don't understand why you expect anything else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my last year of high school there were they guys who kept putting the rubbish bins on top of the shorter buildings. someone also stacked the yard benches on top of each other for no reason lmao. we just left them as is
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Supreme dad  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

A child: oi

 

**A child uploaded bin.png**

 

Ikkaku: Is that a bin on a building roof?

 

I am the Law: this is literally how all our meetups go i don't understand why you expect anything else

 

Snail mail: it was penguin killer and shachi.

 

Dogtooth: you weren't meant to rat them out.

 

Snail mail: katakuri just stood and watched

 

Useless bi: he couldve easily put the bin up himself

 

Useless bi: but nooo he had to be an asshole about it

 

Dogtooth: i did catch penguin when he fell.

 

Slip n Slide: and i am grateful

 

$nami$: is this what you losers do for dates?

 

Dogtooth: yes.

 

Slip n Slide: ooh we should go for ice cream

 

**A child has left robin who the fuck is it**

 

**I am the Law added A child to robin who the fuck is it**

 

A child: fuck

 

 

 

 

 

Brook: @God where are you

 

God: the market why

 

Brook: Franky fell in the water and some of his parts aren't working, could you come and take a look

 

Brook: We're at the pier

 

God: coming over now

 

A child: ive got time so im coming over too ok?

 

Brook: Oh! neat.

 

Brook: Thanks

 

 

 

 

Marimoron: why am i on the submarine

 

dumpster fire: yall got hella smashed last night

 

Syrup boy: yall

 

Useless: hella

 

Dogtooth: tag yourself i'm yall

 

Slip n Slide: all of you stfu and come find me

 

Ikkaku: If you nerds wake Nami up I'm going to strangle you with spaghetti.

 

Useless bi: im f uckign lov spaget titty

 

dumpster fire: spaget titty

 

Snail mail: this is chat is awful amd I'm hungover shut the fuck up

 

Brook: Just turn off notifications. Jinbei did

 

Syrup boy: hehe

 

Brook: What.

 

Syrup boy: @Supreme dad

 

Snail mail: oh no

 

Brook: Hmm

 

**Brook changed Supreme dad's name to JinBAE**

 

Ikkaku: I'm too sober for this.

 

JinBAE: You are all awful and I hate you.

 

Brook: .

 

JinBAE: Except you.

 

Brook: <3

 

JinBAE: <3

 

 

 

 

 

LUFFY: why isnt franky in this chat

 

God: he doesnt want to deal with this

 

**LUFFY added Frankyyy to robin who the fuck is it**

 

Frankyyy: no.

 

**Frankyyy left robin who the fuck is it**

 

dumpster fire: thats fair

 

 

 

 

I am the Law: today penguin spent an hour cleaning the same metre space of floor

 

Slip n Slide: ive been exposed

 

A child: oof mood

 

$nami$: where

 

$nami$: Where did you learn that language

 

A child: none o your damn buisness

 

Useless bi: buisness

 

dumpster fire: buisness

 

Barbed: buisness

 

**Marimoron uploaded dumbass.png**

 

I am the Law: oh wow

 

A child: im dating that

 

Ikkaku: How the fuck did he get tangled up in the steering wheel.

 

$nami$: Unfathomable stupidity

 

God: this is why Franky isn't in this chat

 


	22. Senlky Welcky, Welcome to Hellky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syrup boy: the dude is actually kind of a pushover
> 
>  
> 
> I am the Law: they dont need to know that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - JinBAE  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

A child: heat and wire if you come out now your punishments will be better than if you dont.

 

Dumpster fire: thats a lie and i wont fall for it again

 

I am the Law: what did you two do

 

dumpster fire: actually jo started it

 

A child: thats because theyre a fucking enabler

 

A child: dont worry. they are being punished as well

 

Syrup boy: your crew is a riot

 

A child: @dumpster fire @Barbed if you dont come out im going to break all of your fingers

 

LUFFY: thats a bit extreme <(｀^´)>

 

$nami$: This is where you got your reputation from right?

 

A child: shut the fuck up

 

LUFFY: o(╥﹏╥)

 

A child: fine i wont break ALL their fingers

 

I am the Law: whipped

 

A child: youre a fucking hypocrite

 

 

 

 

Slip n Slide: if you were a frog what kind would you be

 

I am the Law: are you fucking serious?

 

Brook: Why

 

Syrup boy: there were some frogs for sale at the town we were in today and penguin almost convinced law to let him have one

 

I am the Law: almost.

 

 

 

 

Slip n Slide: hey you know how i wanted a frog

 

Useless bi: yes babe you send up pics daily

 

Slip n Slide: guess who gave in!!!!!!!

 

A child: law?

 

Slip n Slide: law.

 

Syrup boy: the dude is actually kind of a pushover

 

I am the Law: they dont need to know that

 

LUFFY: thanks for the info!!!!

 

I am the Law: y o u d i d n t n e e d t o k n o w t h a t

 

A child: hey law i love you can you get me a new screwdriver set

 

I am the Law: asflgskrdsl

 

LUFFY: LAW I LOVE YOU CAN YOU BUY ME MEAT WHEN WE NEXT MEET UP

 

Syrup boy: he just combusted

 

Ikkaku: Nice work guys, we need our captain to function today.

 

$nami$: He's not really a functional pan anymore

 

Brook: Jinbei is

 

JinBAE: Please do not disclose my sexuality to people who will only do evil with it.

 

Slip n Slide: wow you abandoned law fast

 

$nami$: Okay but he hasn't really been functional since the captains started dating

 

Ikkaku: True. It's been awful to deal with.

 

I am the Law: ikkaku do you want extra night shifts

 

Ikkaku: Threaten me all you want, I have no regrets.

 

$nami$: What about those girls at that club we went to four months back

 

Ikkaku: maYBE onE

 

Slip n Slide: you always pull out the disaster lesbian receipts and ikkaku's gone

 

Ikkaku: Penguin I'm looking for you so I can push you down some stairs as we speak.

 

Useless bi: but we're not talking

 

Ikkaku: Killer for the love of god don't.

 

Ikkaku: With that sentence I have decided to deck you the next time I see you.

 

Syrup boy: rip

 

Slip n Slide: rip

 

$nami$: rip

 

I am the Law: rip

 

Brook: rip

 

JinBAE: Rip.

 

Useless bi: even jinbei????

 

JinBAE: Yes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I drew something about the frog thing, and my friend drew an awesome follow up.](https://mero-mero-mellow.tumblr.com/post/173042847782/eggmondsammich-they-went-for-it-about-this) Fits in pretty well with this timeline too


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry this took so long to get up, ao3 was not cooperative. also in regards to robin's s/o (which a few of you have asked about) i'm leaving it open because i don't want to accidentally add another obscure ship to the list. JinBrook is odd enough as it is lmao
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - JinBAE  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

Barbed: okay this has got to be the cutest thing

 

God: what

 

Barbed: so bepo was lying on our deck to take in the sun or smth and fell asleep

 

Ikkaku: So that's where he is.

 

Barbed: and heat walked out on deck saw bepo and just sat next to him and took a nap

 

Slip n Slide: theres the gay i was expecting

 

Barbed: i went inside to get a drink and i came back and

 

**Barbed uploaded how???.png**

 

Barbed: brook chopper killer AND robin are in the nap pile as well now

 

Barbed: i was gone for like 2 minutes

 

Slip n Slide: this is the best damn thing to happen in this alliance

 

God: im going to join that now

 

Barbed: djfhinl

 

Barbed: ikkaku and nami have joined the pile and

 

Barbed: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS

 

A child: youre the last one

 

A child: join the pile. captains orders

 

 

 

 

God: hey

 

God: what happens to this chat when we end our alliance

 

Slip n Slide: oh

 

God: because that is going to happen. we're gonna split and fight for our captains to be the pirate king

 

Barbed: oh fuck

 

Slip n Slide: i dont want that

 

Snail mail: we can keep the chat then.

 

LUFFY: I KNOW!!!

 

LUFFY: WE JUST ALL 3 BECOME PIRATE KINGS

 

Slip n Slide: it doesnt work like that

 

LUFFY: but we're already dating so theres no point in fighting over the crown when we can share it!!!!!!!!!

 

I am the Law: hm

 

LUFFY: but if only one person can have the treasure i wont hesitate to fight you all for it

 

Marimoron: nice

 

 

 

 

dumpster fire: hey did you know katakuri can curl around all of his boyfriends with no struggle

 

Dogtooth: i'm 5 metres tall.

 

Barbed: oh?

 

Barbed: ;))))

 

Dogtooth: please no

 

Syrup boy: fuck you for starting this

 

Barbed: i didnt say anything

 

Syrup boy: well you were implying

 

Slip n Slide: holy shit i forgot about that

 

Slip n Slide: @Dogtooth youre fucking hung right

 

Useless bi: ohhh myyy goddddddd

 

Syrup boy: see wire

 

Syrup boy: this is on you

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who has been leaving comments! sorry i don't reply, but i figured you'd all get bored of me saying "dhfsdkgjdskfg thanks" every time.  
> the next chapter is the last i have written, so this fic will be marked complete once it goes up. however, if i do think of any more content i can make chapters from, i will add it.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Useless bi: its just necessary viewing
> 
>  
> 
> God: right
> 
>  
> 
> Useless bi: you havent seen it either
> 
>  
> 
> Usopp: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall! Thanks so much for all of the support you've given me in the short time this has been publishing. As previously stated, this is the final chapter I have written up, and will stay that way unless I think of other ideas to explore. Love you all, enjoy!
> 
> nickname key  
> Killer - Useless bi  
> Kid - A child  
> Heat - dumpster fire  
> Wire - Barbed  
> Penguin - Slip n Slide  
> Shachi - Syrup boy  
> Ikkaku - Ikkaku  
> Usopp - God  
> Brook - Brook  
> Sanji - Snail mail  
> Nami - $nami$  
> Zoro - Marimoron  
> Law - I am the Law  
> Robin - She Who Sees All  
> Luffy - LUFFY  
> Jinbei - Supreme dad  
> Katakuri - Dogtooth

Useless bi: hey want to know what i learned

 

I am the Law: no

 

Useless bi: kuri has never destroyed a town before

 

LUFFY: GAASSSSSSP

 

Dogtooth: why do people need to know this?

 

Useless bi: you need to be shamed

 

Dogtooth: i would have thought it would be a sign of self control, and therefore a good thing

 

Marimoron: thats cowardice

 

A child: since when have you had self control

 

LUFFY: OOOOOOOOOOOOH

 

Dogtooth: well i haven't thrown heat into the sun yet so i'd say for a while

 

dumpster fire: well at least ive destroyed a town before. y'know

 

dumpster fire: a respectable pirate activity

 

Dogtooth: if it weren't for the laws of this land i would not hesitate to slaughter you

 

$nami$: We're pirates. We don't follow the law

 

Dogtooth: well that's good news then

 

dumpster fire: not for me its not

 

Barbed: please tell me youve at least seen Kubo and the Two Strings

 

$nami$: Did you seriously only use capitals for that?

 

Dogtooth:?????

 

Dogtooth: no?

 

Slip n Slide: o o f

 

Syrup boy: youre so pure i'm going to cry

 

God: hey what makes that film a pirate film exactly?

 

Useless bi: its just necessary viewing

 

God: right

 

Useless bi: you havent seen it either

 

Usopp: no

 

Useless bi: gOTDAMN NOW WE GOTTA WAIT TILL THE NEXT MEETinG

 

 

 

 

 

God: I have made a terrible mistake

 

Snail mail: look it was our fault as much as it was yours

 

Marimoron: mostly the blond dumbass

 

Snail mail: I wasn't the one who walked in on him having sex!!

 

Syrup boy: what the fuck happened

 

God: so we're stopping on this island town, and the governor sounded super shady

 

She Who Sees All: So Usopp suggested looting his house before we leave to be spiteful.

 

God: Luffy made a mess that Nami had to deal with so Zoro Robin Sanji and I broke into his house

 

Marimoron: it was a mansion

 

A child: what did you snatch

 

Snail mail: not a lot because SOMEONE alerted the asshole to our presence

 

Marimoron: i said i was fucking sorry ok

 

God: we split up to cover more ground and while i'm shoving anything valuable into my bag and Sanji is swiping kitchenware Zoro got lost

 

God: and decided to start opening doors to take stuff

 

Syrup boy: oh shit

 

Usopp: third door he opened turned out to be the governors bedroom. Where he is having some sexy times

 

She Who Sees All: The guy noticed after Zoro said “get that straight shit away from me” and so we had to run.

 

A child: oh my godd

 

Marimoron: yoU hEArD ThAT???

 

She Who Sees All: I was simply keeping a lookout on everything.

 

Syrup boy: i love this group chat 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
